There’s been lots of stuff going on that has been stressing me out and I have fallen into old habits. BUT I have been working on my apartment and I’m making good headway and today I weigh in and take measurements and start food journaling - every morsel - so today is . . . Well, I’m not going with the cliche, but you get the idea.
Here’s the thing. I can’t do this by myself. Of all the things I’ve learned this is, shockingly, the biggest. It’s bigger than knowing how much things suck when I eat sugar, it’s bigger than knowing how great I feel when I’m not eating sugar, it’s bigger than all the other knowledge I’ve accumulated on this journey.
I knew that it was hard years ago when I was trying to be sugar free and my dad would have my favorite (except for Birthday Cake) cake - chocolate with mocha icing, soooo delicious. Every time I went to my parents house they would have that cake. I can’t resist that cake. I may be able to now, but back then I couldn’t.
When they finally got on board with the idea it got easier to be not eating sugar. They would have dessert, but make sure it was something that I wouldn’t eat or it would be fruit or something else.
Having support makes it tolerable. Actually having support makes it possible.
This comes up today because in the last few days I was so frustrated that I looked up sugar rehab. There’s one in Hawaii. It’s only $410 a day. Plus airfare and time off and . . . oh wait, I have no money. Riiiiiight. So that won’t be happening.
Yesterday I was dealing with my living room and I reached my maximum ability to deal. Plus, I ate a bunch of crap and felt lousy. And I was completely overwhelmed. Dismayed. Disgusted. Bloated. Barfy. Freaked out.
So I called my dad. Thank god for my dad. He briefly got a hint of judgey in his voice and I got quiet. He asked what was going on and I told him that I was waiting for him to get judgey and get it out of his system. He said he wasn’t judging, he just didn’t know how bad it was and that he was surprised because I usually tell him stuff.
We’re, me and dad, going to Maine in a week or so. He said, when we go to Maine you aren’t having any sugar.
To some people that might sound dad bossy and unacceptable. To me it was like mana from heaven. If dad says that he won’t have stuff around that I want to eat, I won’t have to worry about giving him permission to eat stuff I want to eat in front of me because, it’s okay, I can TOTALLY handle it and not be tempted. Because you and I both know that is complete horse pucky.
Another reminder about help came this morning when my friend Deb called me. I love this woman, we’ve been friends for 21 years. She has loved me through all the ugly painful things when I have been completely insane. It was actually her husband that I met first and I am fortunate that he is as close a friend as she is.
This past weekend she was doing a triathlon and had an accident. Thankfully she is banged up but essentially fine. She called to check in this morning and let me know that she’s okay.
At the end I let her know that I’ve been eating badly. That I haven’t been moving my body. I suppose it should be noted here that I met Bruce during a 7 day 500 mile bike ride around New England and our friendship has always involved different physical activities. My weight is going up. Overall I’m just bummed out.
Which was when she asked if I could get out each day first thing. Which is indeed something I could do, it’s how I started running. I know it will make me feel better, I just haven’t been able to do it.
I told her that dad was going to be my sugar police and asked her to be my activity police. She asked when I get up because she knows that doing this kind of thing right off the bat and she agreed to call me every day to make sure I at least go for a walk first thing in the morning. “I’ll put it in my phone so I don’t forget.”
This woman has so much going on, she owns a business, she has three grandkids that she takes care of often, she is involved in the community, she trains A LOT with her ton of friends. And she is setting her phone so that she can call me every day to make sure I move.
So I’m getting help. From people who love me.
If you are struggling ask for help. People love you, they will say yes. And you’ll both be better for it.