I have been checking myself out in a full length mirror. Every day. Sometimes more than once. Pretty much every time I have to change actually.
I do this not because I am so very vain. Though I may be a little vain, I don’t think much. I do this because scales are forbidden. Scales are forbidden because numbers are misleading and the body sees the scale as an instrument of torture. That may sound nuts to you, I’m totally okay with that. I committed to the program and everything that goes with it.
And it’s working.
Want to know how I know it’s working? Because I look in the full length mirror several times a day and today, today? Today I noticed that the fat wrinkle, the one that runs along my ribs when I’m up at the top of my weight range, that fat wrinkle is gone. Even when I do a spinal twist and try to get a wrinkle . . . okay when I do that there’s a tiny one, but no different than a “normal” person, flesh moves and all.
It’s funny, it doesn’t matter how loose my clothes are, and the ones I bought at the beginning of the summer so I would have something that actually fit are very loose. It doesn’t matter if people notice. It doesn’t matter that my dad says that I look really different. Those things don’t matter because they don’t affect how I see myself, that adjustment comes with time.
For awhile I knew I was getting smaller but I couldn’t see it. I have no measurements by which to compare now to the beginning. I see the difference in my clothes, I have to roll the legs of my most comfy shorts because they are loose on my hips instead of tight at my waist and they hanging past my knees.
Without the measurements I still see big. I don’t see big, but smaller than I was, I just see big.
But now the fat wrinkle is gone. Now I can see the smaller than I was instead of seeing still big.
I have a bit to go still before I look in the mirror and say, I am so hot. But it’s manageable. I’m fitting into smaller clothes. I’m fitting into the pants I bought last fall when my weight was heading down toward the 140s.
My name is Tara, I’m 45 days sugar free and I have lost my fat wrinkle.